Shook the Spot

"SKIP'S GONNA MAKE IT" . . . THE SOPRANOS — SEASON 6, EPISODE 3 . . . "MAYHAM" . . . JAMES GANDOLFINI WAKES UP, A NEW MAN . . . CHRISSY WRITES HIS OWN ENDING . . . AJ, UNARMED, HITS A&E . . . CARMELLA BARES ALL ON THE COUCH . . . AND THE LADIES MACBETH

Shook and the gang huddled on the Upper West last night for Vietnamese takeout and a high-definition showing of episode three. As Paulie rambled on at Tony's bedside, the skipper's heartrate climbing to fatal levels, we laughed hysterically and gasped in horror at the same time. It was, in short, the classic Sopranos mindfuck. What other television show could prompt audible pleading . . . "No! No!" . . . from a professional entertainment critic (fellow-ette's beau and im.bitch's bro)? And speaking of that scene, The Star-Ledger . . . which made a cameo last night with Silvio on the can . . . raises the issue of Tony's trip to the Finnerty family reunion. (Thanks to Yo, It's . . . for the link.) Was the boss on his way to heaven? Now, Shook has never been much of a believer in the afterlife, but isn't Tony more of a candidate for hell? (The Ledger goes on for a bit about purgatory, but that seems baseless . . . ) In any event, if the house scene was simply in Tony's mind . . . and since heaven is bullshit, let's just make that assumption . . . then it's notable for other reasons. Tony thinks he's going to heaven? He thinks his mother is in heaven? He thinks heaven is a white mansion adorned with Christmas lights? But whatevs . . . Tony lives another episode . . .

Or, at least, James Gandolfini lives another episode. As Tony? Perhaps. But wait . . . "What if I am Kevin Finnerty?" As a Veteran of Future Wars noted, the teaser for next Sunday, which showed the big man running the show again from his hospital room, did nothing to dispel the possibility that . . . Tony has become a totally deranged psychotic who thinks he is Kevin Finnerty. But then who's going to order the hit on Junior?

And on that note, we learned that AJ is trying to follow through on his promise of revenge, while the captains make a halfassed attempt to thwart him. (Noted . . . the Sopranos sequel we mentioned in jest last week could take the form of a Growing Up Gotti knockoff on A&E.) Bobby points out that with Junior in federal lock-up, nobody can get to him. Really? The family doesn't have anyone on the inside who could pull off the job? Not that they would without Tony's blessing, and who knows how he'll feel after this brush with death. Clearly, he'll need some time with Dr. Melfi . . .

. . . who's two-timing Tony with Carmella!! Dubya tee eff?? That's totally not kosher. Of course, what about Dr. Melfi's role in the Soprano family has been kosher? Still, she shouldn't have told Carmella that Tony said their marriage had been better of late. (This now concludes Shook's digression on psychiatric ethics.) Carmella catches onto the whole therapy thing pretty quick, and starts singing like a canary about Tony's dirty life. "I don't know if I married him in spite of his life"—and here, in the dramatic pause, fellow-ette's brother called the line—"or because of it."

But while Carmella squirms over her place in the mob, the other wives continue to play the Ladies Macbeth. (In fairness, Gene's wife is, thus far, the only one to actually suggest offing Tony.) Silvio's beau, Gabriella . . . played by Stephen Van Zandt's actual wife, Maureen . . . was loving her time as "the [acting] princess of Little Italy" (to borrow Paulie's description of Carmella). How about that shot of the Van Zandts in the mirror? Unbelievable. Little known Sopranos trivia . . . Stephen Van Zandt originally auditioned for the role of Tony Soprano. So that subplot was as much a meta inside joke as it was a natural subplot. (Mark that as inside joke number two of this season, if you agree with Alessandra Stanley that the "There's no retiring from this" line in the premiere was HBO talking to David Chase.)

And then there was, of course, what was arguably among the most hilarious Sopranos subplot in years . . . Chrissy's reforay into Hollywood. "So he's kinda out-shining his own boss, so the guy has him clipped. But! He's alive when they cut him up." It wouldn't be the most ridiculous way for the show to end . . .

Okay, Shook is currently pilfering a free wireless connection at the 73rd and 3rd Starbucks. My entry into the life of crime . . . (Shit, well, Shook was on free wi-fi right up until the moment this shit was ready to post, but then it fucking cut out. So now we're back at the Shook pad in Scarsdale, on paid wi-fi, making it official . . . ) But gotta run. There was a whole lot of other shit and much more to say about the above, so hit up the comments . . .