Shook the Spot

[Ring ring, ring ring]

Me: Hello?

Woman on Phone: Hi, is this [horrible mangling of my dad's name]?

Me: No, this is his son. May I ask who's calling?

Woman on Phone: This is Melanie, calling on behalf of the HARVARD COLLEGE PARENTS FUND. Is your father there?

Me [flabergasted, fumbling for a good retort]: You know, hmmm, sorry. Not gonna happen.

Melanie: Okay.

[Click]

Yeah, so clearly, should have come up with something better. But what? Hit up the comments . . .